Being vs. Wanting: The Happiness Ratio

Lately I’ve been having a bit of a tough time.

Things in my life are good, objectively-speaking — health, security, stability, professional life, all that jazz. But I’ve been feeling stuck and focused on the things that I don’t have — a life partner, kids, a published novel, real estate — which can all be magnified when you A) have reached the back half of your 30s, B) live in Los Angeles, and C) have a lot of friends who are abnormally successful for their age group.

And some of the feeling comes simply from living in America, where focusing on the things that you don’t have so that you’re incentivized to pursue them is the lifeblood of our unique brand of self-consuming capitalism.

So … I’ve been struggling with that.

Tonight at yoga, I realized that a lot of the reason for my happiness disconnect has been that I’ve been putting my “outer purpose” ahead of my “inner purpose,” to borrow terminology from Eckhart Tolle. In other words, I’ve been more focused on external factors instead of prioritizing my inner state and wellbeing.

This, in turn, helped me see that I’ve been stuck in a cycle of craving — particularly, craving for things or situations to be different than they are — which any student of Eastern philosophy will tell you is a recipe for discontent.

To put it simply, I’ve been WANTING too much … and BEING too little. Concentrating on the things I desire instead of accepting and embracing the world around…