Rose-Colored Realism
Love in the Time of Corona — Days 7 + 8: On being Ok with things not being Ok.
Let’s start with a basic premise: Everything will not be Ok.
Feel better yet? No? Well, by the end of this post I hope you will, if only even a little.
This week, despite potentially having the virus and keeping myself well informed of the latest COVID-19 news, I’ve actually been more upbeat than most of the people I talk to. The reason for this is simple: I made the decision that I was going to choose positivity over fear.
Please note that I used the word “positivity,” not “hope.” Hope, right now, is dangerous. Hope (or perhaps disbelief) is the reason that many people aren’t taking this situation seriously enough, or are feeling like this will all be over soon and things won’t get that bad. Of course I hope that this will all go away tomorrow—but that would take a miracle (and much like toilet paper, we’re fresh out of those).
Everything will not be Ok.
I want you to sit with that statement, feel it in your bones. If you’ve been telling yourself up to this point that things might be Ok, now is the time to let that go.
Understand that a public health crisis the likes of which our country hasn’t seen in a century is upon us. Understand that we are facing an incredibly precarious economic situation, which could potentially improve but could also be worse than 2008 and maybe the worst since the Depression. Understand that we are about to see people falling seriously ill and dying at an alarming rate, and not just old people—people in their 30s, 40s and 50s will be among the casualties as well. Understand that you will in all likelihood know people who are affected by this, and that those people may very well be you.
Understand that things are really, really bad. Take some time — a day, a weekend, whatever you need — to deal with it.
Then do everything you can to make your peace with it.
“Make my peace with it?” you might be thinking. “F you, Rosenthal!“
I get it, believe me I do. But the fact is, each of us has two choices every day that we wake up during this crisis: Choice 1 is to live in fear, anxiety, sadness and anger. Choice 2 is to face the uncertainty of each day head-on, to be ready for whatever comes and to keep a smile on our faces as much as humanly possible.
I’m asking you to choose Door #2. I’m asking you to face this grim reality with everything you have in you, and to tell yourself the words my college RA, Keith Shawn Smith, used to tell me: “Keep it movin’.”*
I’m reminded of two recent posts from Seth Godin’s blog, one of which happened to address the very subject I was already preparing to write about today.
The first post from Seth’s blog, entitled “Calm also has a coefficient,” raises the idea that panic spreads much more easily than calm does—but that calm, too, can be passed from one person to the next. During this time, it is vital for as many of us to stay as calm and even-keeled as possible, because that will help us navigate this dark time more successfully.
The second post, which hit my inbox yesterday morning, is titled, “Is everything going to be okay?”
Here’s the full text (it’s short):
Is everything going to be okay?
That depends.
If we mean, “Is everything going to be the way it was and the way I expected it to be?” then the answer is no. The answer to that question is always no, it always has been.
If we mean, “Is everything going to be the way it is going to be?” then the answer is yes. Of course. If we define whatever happens as okay, then everything will be.
Given that everything is going to be the way it’s going to be, we’re left with an actually useful and productive question instead: “What are you going to do about it?”
— Seth Godin
This week, I’ve made a conscious choice to be as optimistic and open a person as I can be — and to be as supportive of others as I can be — without downplaying or ignoring the harrowing realities of the turbulent world around us.
Guess what: It’s worked. I’ve had more positive energy to share with the people around me, and I’ve empowered myself to start taking action instead of being paralyzed by dread.
You can do this, too. You can choose Door #2, and positivity over fear.** Yes, there is much to be afraid of, but fear will consume you and those around you — whereas positivity will give you the strength to fight, and to help bolster the spirits of all the people in your life who look to you for support.
Will there be times when you’re not going to feel very positive, and you might break down from the weight of everything? Most likely. I’m sure I’ll experience plenty of those times myself; that’s part of the reality we are all making our peace with, and moving through.
It’s Ok for everything not to be Ok. We can be Ok with that.
*Just because I’m encouraging you to choose positivity over fear doesn’t mean you should never feel scared, upset, angry, etc. during this time. The article “That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief” (listed below) does a great job of explaining that the healthiest thing to do is be aware of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. As the author’s article puts it: “It’s important we acknowledge what we go through.”
**One caveat about the fear thing: You should be afraid of germs, and of catching this virus or spreading it to others. That fear is a healthy one because it will motivate you and others to take this thing seriously. So #washyourhands, #stayhome and help us all #flattenthecurve.
Quick health update:
Holding steady. Symptoms the past few days have been mostly fatigue, with a bit of diarrhea. (Too much info? #SorryNotSorry)
Today, Day 8 of this blog, is the seventh full day of my (potential/probable) coronavirus case, which means that I am entering Week Two. Based on how the virus tends to progress in most people, that means the next few days will be very telling.
Don’t worry—I’m doing Ok.
Read other posts from the “Love in the Time of Corona” series by Sam Rosenthal:
- Love in the Time of Corona — Day 1
- Days 2 + 3, Purgatory
- Day 4, Powerless
- Days 5 + 6, On the Necessity of Everyday Heroism
Read more of Sam Rosenthal’s work at samrose101.com, check out his #businesscardstories collection, follow him at @SamRoseWrites and stay tuned for his debut novel, Walking Backwards. Please RECOMMEND (clap) and SHARE this story, and always Keep It Movin.
